Listen here.
We've all been there--making promises to ourselves about self-care, setting intentions to prioritize our well-being, declaring that this time will be different, But here's the truth: it's one thing to say we will show up for ourselves, but it's another thing to actually do it.
The gap between intention and action is where many of us get stuck. We know what we should do, we understand the importance of self-care, yet somehow we find ourselves back in the same patterns, putting everyone and everything else first. So how do we bridge that gap? How do we move from talking about showing up for ourselves to actually doing it?
The Foundation: Rest As Rebellion
Let's start with something that might feel revolutionary to some of you--giving yourself permission to rest. For many people, especially those who pride themselves on being productive or who have been conditioned to equate their worth with their output, allowing themselves to rest doesn't come easily. I understand that struggle completely.
But here's what I want you to understand: rest is not a luxury. It's not something you earn after you've checked every box on your to-do list. Rest is a fundamental requirement for showing up as your best self in all areas of your life.
This doesn't necessarily mean you need to sleep a full eight hours every night (though if you can, that's wonderful). Rest can look like taking intentional breaks throughout your day, allowing yourself a 20-minute nap when your body calls for it, or simply embracing downtime once your work is done instead of immediately jumping to the next task.
Your body and mind work tirelessly for you every single day. They deserve your compassion and care, not your criticism for needing to recharge.
Why Your Well-Being Can't Wait
Here's a question that might make you uncomfortable: if you don't prioritize your well-being who will?
The answer is no one. And that's not because people don't care about you--it's because you are the only person who truly knows what you need, when you need it, and how to give it to yourself. Your well-being encompasses both your mental and physical health, and it's the foundation upon which everything else in your life is built.
Self-Care: Not One Size Fits All
Self-care has become such a buzzword that it's almost lost its meaning. But true self-care isn't about following someone else's routine or copying what looks good on social media. It's about tuning into yourself and honestly assessing what you need in any given moment.
Maybe your version of self-care looks like:
- Drawing a warm bath at the end of a long day
- Treating yourself to a spa day or even just a face mask at home
- Curling up with a movie and some coloring books
- Getting lost in a cozy video game that helps you unwind
- Reading a book that transports you to another world
The key is being present with yourself and honest about what would truly serve you in that moment. Sometimes what you think you want isn't actually what you need, and that's okay. The practice is in the checking in, not in getting it right every time.
You Are Exactly Where You Need To Be
I know this might be hard to hear, especially if you're in a difficult season of life, but I want you to consider this possibility: everything is already working in your favor. You are exactly where you need to be, even if you can't see the bigger picture yet.
This doesn't mean that challenges aren't real or that you shouldn't work toward change. It means that right now, in this moment, you have everything you need to take the next right step. Sometimes that step is rest. Sometimes it's action. Sometimes it's simply acknowledging where you are without judgement.
The Power of Boundaries and Authenticity
Showing up for yourself often requires setting boundaries, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. In fact, boundaries are one of the most loving things you can do--for yourself and for the people in your life.
Be authentic about your emotions, feelings, and needs. This might mean saying no to commitments that drain you. It might mean asking for help when you need it. It might mean choosing to spend your time and energy differently than others expect you to.
You should be unapologetic about the things you want, the life you're building, and who you are becoming. Don't compromise or settle for less than what you truly want, because that compromise will eventually catch up with you.
The way to avoid this is by keeping your standards high--not to impress anyone else, but because you understand your own worth. Start with how you show up for yourself on a daily basis. The relationship you have with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship in your life.
Making It A Practice: The 21-Day Challenge
Here's the thing about creating lasting change: it takes consistency, not perfection. Research suggests it takes approximately 21 days of consistent practice to form a new habit.
So here's your challenge: identify one small way you can show up for yourself every single day for the next 21-days. It doesn't have to be big or dramatic. In fact, smaller is often better because it's more sustainable.
Maybe it's:
- Taking five deep breaths before checking your phone in the morning
- Writing down three things you're grateful for each day
- Taking a 10-minute walk outside
- Saying one kind thing to yourself in the mirror
- Turning off your phone an hour before bed
Choose something that feels manageable and meaningful to you, then commit to it for 21 days. Watch how this small act of self-advocacy begins to shift how you see yourself and how you move through the world.
The Daily Choice
Remember, showing up for yourself isn't a destination you arrive at--it's a daily choice you make. Some days will feel natural and easy. Other days it will feel like an uphill battle. Both experiences are normal and valid.
The most important things is that you keep choosing yourself, keep honoring your needs, and keep believing that you are worthy of the care and attention you so freely give to others.
It's one thing to say we will show up for ourselves, but it's another thing to actually do it. Today, choose to be the person who does it. Your future self will thank you.
What's one small way you can show up for yourself today? Start there, and let that be enough.
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